Just Start

 I have to restart from scratch completely. I've been trying to drive for Lyft do little things to make up for the money that I have lost because of covid but you know what I'm going to stay at home. I will continue educating my children at home. I had started my blog so that I could be home with my children covid had us trapped in the house I'm an introvert and I was totally overwhelmed I completely shut down because there was no point in time that we could leave the house to go on our outings to go to the museum to go to the park because everything was shut down so I shut down that's no excuse there is no reason for me to stay shut down because I feel like the blog that I created failed the store that I created for dropshipping failed but you know what as an entrepreneur I know better I am supposed to keep it moving keep my eyes on the goal and keep pressing forward to achieve that goal so I talked to my sister today and I'm doing the ultimate mind manipulation I'm playing a trick on myself by restarting my blog on a different platform luckily I already know as a business person that I can still migrate my blog too my new platform but right now I need to just open up something completely different and just start because every time I look at my website as it is right now it feels like a total failure that's depressing I can't do that I know that my message needs to be put out there so I can help people so you know what I'm starting completely from scratch what does that mean what is my blog supposed to be about it's about living in public housing, homeschooling my children, and being able to support them with my online business. It's awesome, I mean it's easy to work for yourself! I don't understand how people don't work for themselves. I can understand from personal experience considering that there are ups and downs that come along with working for yourself that a nine to five job allows certain securities, but I mean if people are taught how to run their own businesses,  it wouldn't be a problem. I also understand being an entrepreneur requires a certain mindset, I have worked on honing that mindset for years and hope to shift people to that way of thinking even if it is left as a side hustle. 

Now again I had a conversation with my sister and I struggle as a single mother because I want to be the nurturer. I want to be the mother. I want to be able to cook for my children and make them feel loved whereas there are times where I have to work and I just can't do those things. There isn't enough time in the day or energy in the body, not enough planning and scheduling in the world to do the job of two adults. This generation can pretend all they want but single parents miss something. I'm only one person a family is supposed to have two parents not one. It truly takes a village and sadly my village is scattered. I wanted to have interviews with my children so that I can show that they are as well adjusted as they possibly could be considering the fact that I am a single parent. It makes it especially difficult because I have boys and I want them to learn how to be providers and inhabit that masculine energy and right now I need to remind them I am doing the job of the provider and can't complete all the tasks of the nurturer.  I don't want to be their taskmaster but you know what I need to be in order to be the example of what the providers role entails. I need to teach them how to take care of themselves. I've never lost a sight of that. I want them to be functioning adults which is why I chose to homeschool them in the first place and it doesn't matter what type of peer pressure I might get it doesn't matter how overwhelmed or stressed out or how much I want them to just go away for a few hours because I'm a human being and I need my space so there's no one that's going to make me feel bad about that and considering that I've had my children with me, non-stop, my oldest is 14 now, for all of those years, three children later, I think I'm doing pretty good to only need a break after a global pandemic wouldn't you say so I'm good after talking to my sister after dealing with this bull crap and realizing as a business person that I'm sabotaging myself by missing opportunities I need to just start over right now I've missed deadlines that I've set for myself simply because I felt like what's the point but like I said I'm messing with my brain right now and I see the point, it needs to get done. I need to make sure that I secure my financial futures for my children and I want to be able to live the life that I had set out to live in the first place. I'm still living in public housing after all this time but I can't say that it's been totally bad. My children want for nothing they have more than any other children to the point where I think I've even spoiled them I mean seriously with no support system it's kind of nice to be able to have my rent be regulated by my income so if we have a bad month or I have a health issue or I just need to spend a little bit of extra time with them to make sure that they don't grow up to be assholes and have good moral compasses and good character and are strong confident adults then so be it but also in that same token I want to take them on trips I want to go traveling and I want to do things that I can't do because my finances are limited because I have not taken the next step or I did take the next step but it failed. I need to reboot and start over again and that's what I'm doing with this I'm just starting and this time I have no intention of stopping no more excuses. I watched plenty of people reboot and pivot and now it is my turn.